The Most Undignified Eulogy Ever

Greetings to all who are gathered here to celebrate the life of Pavel Arzate tonight. I would like to take this opportunity to commemorate the life and good deeds of this wonderful and charming man who has touched the lives of all, and who has overcome a great obstacle. As a child, he learned to cope with Asperger's syndrome and overcame the hurdles this disability had presented him. he was a bright student throughout all of his years in school. He was a bright student through all of his years in school. He would always strive to excel, and that's exactly what he did, consistently. That placed him into a good college, and led him to his master's degree in English. Throughout all of his life, he has touched us, warmed out hearts, and made us laugh. He always had that warm, friendly, outgoing disposition. His charismatic personality always made us feel at home with him. He has been a significant part of our lives, and with his passing, we are left with a huge void in our hearts. He will be sorely missed.

Ha-ha, just kidding! You really think I or anyone else could seriously say this with a straight face?! Of course not! I always hated that stupid bastard. Good riddance! He was a lying cheat that everyone despised. We surely are celebrating something tonight–his death! I hope that pompous old geezer burns in hell for eternity.

Hey , it's Pavel again. It seems like I'm back. Yes, I realize I'm dead, but I'm starting to regret my choice of the person to deliver my eulogy. Turns out he had an agenda against me, so to speak. What a poser, that two-faced jerk. God, please forgive me for that!